“To make sure you aren’t bringing in any outside food.” She paused a moment and said sympathetically, “Or you can take it back to your car, if you prefer.”

“Um, no. Go ahead.” He held out the bag.

She peered inside. “O-kay. Theater three, on your left. Enjoy your bear. I mean, your movie.”

“Thanks.”

He hadn’t made it more than a few steps into the lobby when his bag started talking. “Wilson! Wilson!”

“What?” he asked out of the corner of his mouth.

“Don’t forget the popcorn.”

Wilson detoured over to the concession stand, where he got the largest popcorn available and, after a moment’s thought, added a Sprite. Since he only had one free hand, he had to put the popcorn bucket in the shopping bag with House. The concession worker looked at him strangely, but didn’t ask. Wilson was grateful.

In the theater, Wilson chose a seat near the back. They’d agreed ahead of time that House would stay in the bag until the lights went down, but that didn’t stop House from whispering at him from in there as soon as the sat down.

“Wilson! Wilson! Hey, Wilson!”

Wilson tried to ignore him, but when the people sitting nearby started turning to see who was talking, he pretended to tie his shoe and asked, “What?”

“I don’t want to be a bother,” House began.

Wilson felt terrible. “I know. What?”

“Did you get any Jujyfruits?”

“No.”

“Oh.” House looked down. “Okay. I just wondered.”

Wilson was starting to sit back up when he added wistfully, “I like Jujyfruits.”

Leaning back down again, Wilson pointed out, “If we go back to the snack bar, we might lose our seats.”

“I could save our seats.”

“What if somebody steals you?”

“Good point.” House peered out over the edge of the bag. “I don’t think it’s really crowded. We can get another seat. If you want Jujyfruits.”

Wilson didn’t, particularly, but he picked up the soda and the shopping bag and headed back to the lobby.

#

Once the previews started, House got to come out of his shopping bag and sit on Wilson’s lap. That was a bit strange, but he didn’t weigh enough to keep his own seat flipped down, and even if he had, he wouldn’t be able to see over the seats in front of them. So Wilson’s lap it was.

Wilson had to be reminded several times to keep the popcorn where he could reach. It wound up working best to put the bucket between his legs--that way he could use both paws to shovel the popcorn into his mouth. His paws were becoming saturated with the artificial butter-he’d smell like the movies for days. Bonus!

The movie was very good, although there was a scene near the end where a child dropped his teddy bear while fleeing from the Zombie Horde. The head zombie snatched up the bear and tore him limb from limb. House gasped and clutched at Wilson’s arm for comfort.

A girl sitting in the row in front of them turned around and looked at them, her glare turning to an expression of puzzlement when she saw him. She poked at her companions, and they soon turned to look at him too.

House tried to flip them off, but since he had no fingers, he wasn’t sure the message got through.

#

When the lights came up halfway through the credits, Wilson plunked House back in the shopping bag. House usually liked to stay through the credits, but that was just too bad. He stuck the leftover popcorn and candy in there too--maybe that would keep him quiet until they got back to the car.

All in all, it hadn’t been as bad as he’d feared. The gaggle of girls turning around to gape at the man watching a movie with a teddy on his lap was something he could have done without, but at least House hadn’t created a scene. He was thinking that perhaps he shouldn’t have made such a fuss, refusing to take House to the movies, as he headed out of the theater.

“Excuse me, sir?” A theater employee--a man about Wilson’s age, dressed in the same tacky polyester bow tie and cummerbund as the teenage workers--gestured him out of the line of people leaving the theater.

“Is there a problem?”

“What’s in the bag, sir?”

Oh, this again. He showed the bag.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step into the office.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sir, we’ve had a complaint from another patron.”

“About what?” House had been talking a lot less than he usually did at the movies.

“There was a complaint about inappropriate behavior.”

“What kind of inappropriate behavior?”

“Another patron said that you were masturbating in the back row.”

Wilson’s jaw dropped. If he hadn’t had House in his sight the whole time, he’d have suspected that he was the “other patron.” “I think--there must be some mistake. I certainly wasn’t….”

“The other patron said that you were moving the teddy bear around in your lap. I don’t see another grown man with a teddy bear here, do you?”

Wilson had to admit that he didn’t. “But that’s ridiculous. Who--ugh.” A nightmare vision of the ensuing events swam before his eyes. He’d go on trial for committing indecent acts with a teddy bear in a zombie movie. Would he end up having his name entered on some kind of registry?

What if he had to go around with leaflets informing his neighbors that he posed a danger to their stuffed animals? The hotel would make him leave. They’d have to: who would stay at a hotel where they were required by law to warn you about the teddy-molester living on the third floor?

“Why did you bring the teddy bear into the theater today?”

“I, uh, I….” Wilson thought fast. “It’s a scary movie, right?” What a terrible excuse. House would be able to think of something better. “I brought him along in case I got scared. Of the movie.”

“You brought your teddy bear to the movies in case you got scared,” the man repeated.

It sounded even worse when he said it. “Yes.”

“I don’t think you’d better bring your teddy to our movie theater again.”

“Okay,” Wilson said, relieved that he wasn’t going to jail. Then he realized that, as an innocent person, relieved wasn’t the ideal response. “I mean, I certainly won’t. I’ll be taking my business elsewhere.”

“Sir, I think that’s best for everyone.”

#

House managed to contain his laughter until they were back in the car, but only by stopping up his mouth with both paws. And it was still a near thing--he was rolling around in the bottom of the bag as Wilson crossed the parking lot. He knocked over the popcorn container and got several kernels crushed into his fur.

“See?” Wilson demanded as he helped him out of the bag. “I knew this wouldn’t go well.”

“You knew the movie theater manager would think you were masturbating with me?” House picked a popcorn kernel off of his front and ate it. “I have to hand it to you, that’s pretty good predicting.”

“I didn’t predict that in particular,” Wilson admitted. “But I knew something would happen.” He picked more popcorn off of the spots House couldn’t reach.

“Worrywart.”

“I could have been arrested!”

House shrugged. “You’d have got off. Since you didn’t, I mean. Get off.”

Wilson did a full-body shudder. “Do people actually--I don’t wanna know.”

“They do,” House informed him. They cut a hole in a stuffed animal and--you know.” He did several pelvic thrusts.

“That’s really sick.”

House shrugged. “Takes all kinds.”

“You have no tolerance for people who ask for antibiotics for a cold, but Teddy-fuckers, you’re OK with?”

“The Teddy-fuckers aren’t hurting anybody.”

On to chapter 18!