Wilson was happier than he probably should have been to put House in his file carton and shut the lid on him. He was on his way down to the lab designated for House’s team to use--the lab the board had voted unanimously to give him so that lab techs would stop quitting--when the lid popped up a few inches and House’s beady little eyes peered out. “I hafta go to the bathroom,” he said.

“Great.” Wilson detoured into the nearest men’s room. Fortunately, it was empty. He locked the door behind them.

“You have to lift me up,” House reminded him.

“I remember,” he answered grimly. Stepping up to the urinal, he held House out at arm’s length and averted his eyes.

“Don’t you have another sample container?”

“No.”

“We should get one, so we can figure out where the pee comes from. My body doesn’t contain any water. Just stuffing.”

“Just pee already.”

Someone pounded on the door. “Is this locked? Can I get in here?”

“Uh….out of order!” Wilson called. “Go downstairs!”

“Why isn’t there a sign? There should be a sign!”

“Uh…no habla ingles!”

House chortled.

“Oh, shut up.”

Finally, House announced, “Done! You can flush. I don’t want to get my paws dirty.”

Leaving the men’s room, Wilson was afraid he was going to be accosted by the door-knocker from earlier. Fortunately, he managed to escape into the stairwell unnoticed.

He was about halfway down the stairs when he noticed a noise coming from the box:

“We’re going down the stairs

To look at my hairs

With a microscope

To find out, I hope--"

“House?” Wilson asked.

The singing stopped, and the lid popped up. “What?”

“Are you singing a little song?”

House’s eyes crossed. “No.”

“I think you were.”

“Nope.”

Wilson decided not to make an issue of it. But it was clear that House was becoming even more teddy-bear-like by the hour.

#

House peered through the eyepiece of the microscope. The slide of his arm-stuffing was just like the one of his torso-stuffing and his head-stuffing: polyester fibers. He slumped against the centrifuge. “Nothing. Too bad we wasted my perfectly good pee.”

“By putting it down the toilet?” Wilson asked wearily.

“Yes.” Trust Wilson not to understand Important Science. “Next time we’ll save it.”

“I’m serious, pal--if you want a urine sample, you’re going to have to get someone else to hold the sample container for you.”

House checked over his shoulder. Wilson did have his Serious Face on. Oh well--he’d just collect the sample in Wilson’s coffee cup next time he was alone in the office. “Put on the slide of my fur,” he directed.

Wilson changed the slide without too much bitching. House wasn’t surprised by what he saw: more polyester. “I’m not even a natural fiber,” he complained.

“If you were wool, you might shrink in the rain,” Wilson pointed out. “Count your blessings.”

“I think I’m going to call you ‘Jiminy’ from now on.”

“Well, we are trying to turn you back into a real boy,” Wilson pointed out.

“I’m a man, Jiminy,” House pointed out.

“A Teddy-man.” Wilson checked his watch. “I only have a few more minutes before grand rounds.”

“Let’s go,” House said immediately. “I need snacks. Hot cocoa and Oreos.”

“They have Oreos in the machine, but where am I supposed to get hot cocoa?” Wilson objected.

“My office. Next to the coffeemaker.” He climbed back into the box. “Put on my lid.”

“Gladly.”

Back in the office, Wilson left him in the carton while he went to get snacks, which House felt was completely unnecessary. It wasn’t like he was going to run amok while Wilson was gone. He didn’t even have to pee again yet.

#

After stopping by the candy machine, Wilson went into House’s office. He immediately saw a flaw with House’s plan: Chase and Cameron both immediately sat up looked at him expectantly. “Foreman’s not here yet,” Chase pointed out. “But we are. Does House want something?”

“Uh…hot chocolate,” Wilson said. “I mean, no, he’s at home, isn’t he? I just wanted some hot chocolate.”

“Next time you talk to House, can you find out what he wants us to do?” Cameron asked. “We’ve just been sitting here. Not doing anything.”

Wilson paused on the way to the coffeemaker area. Clearly Cameron had been up to something, but he decided he didn’t particularly care what. Even if she was snooping around House’s apartment somehow, she wouldn’t find anything--he was here in the office.

Then he noticed that Chase was looking shifty too. That answered the question of what Cameron had been up to. He was right--he hadn’t wanted to know.

Returning to his office, Wilson caught House in the act of climbing out of his carton, with both paws and one leg up on the edge. There went his half-formed plan of leaving House in the carton while he worked. He’d just have to resign himself to coming back to a scene of destruction.

“Okay, here’s your snack,” he said, putting the hot chocolate and cookies on the desk. Without comment, he lifted House out of the box. “Do you want to sit here on the desk?”

“Yeah. Log into your computer for me.”

Wilson hesitated. “Okay, sure.” He logged in, then went into his email program and removed his stored password. House might be able to wreak various kinds of havoc while he was gone, but at least he couldn’t send out inappropriate emails under Wilson’s name.

“You don’t trust me.” House pouted.

“Nope. Anything else?”

“I guess not. You can go. Bye, Jiminy!”

This dismissed, Wilson set off for the portion of his life that didn’t revolve around waiting on a Teddy bear hand and foot--or, paw and hind-paw.

On to chapter 10!